Advice for a New Bride

September 2007

At some point during the next year or so, you will begin to truly understand what people mean when they say that love is a verb – not a noun. It’s an action -- not an emotion. It’s about this time that “the honeymoon is over.”

I didn’t catch on to all of this in my first year of marriage – it’s taken me a lot longer. But here are some of the things I’ve learned after 28 years – I hope they can be helpful to you.
How you feel about each other will change at times. How you treat each other is always a choice. Making the right choice is love.
Treat each other with disrespect and no amount of “I love you, honey” will hold your relationship together. There is a time and a place for keeping your mouth shut. His bad behavior is never an excuse for yours. Getting even for petty things only makes them bigger, and holding grudges is futile. No one is perfect – so make room for each other’s imperfections. Forgive the little things before they fester, and do it without making a big deal of it. Forgiveness means you don’t bring it up again.
Marriage is all about compromise – however, if you both only get half of what you want, neither is satisfied. Be willing to put aside your own desires because your husband wants something else.
Men love things that we don’t instinctively care about or understand -- things like baseball, football and NASCAR. We can choose to become a “sports widow” and do a lot of shopping or learn to love what they love. Learning to love what they love can be a lot of fun!
Never give up your friends – but don’t let your relationships with them receive higher priority than your marriage. Give each other the freedom to spend time with friends. Make an effort to find friends as a couple. It’s good to have friends who are in the same stages of life as you – but it’s also good to have friends who have blazed the trail and can offer you encouragement because of their experience. Make time for friends and work at building friendships.
Sex is important. Don’t neglect it. Don’t treat it as a duty or a sacrifice that you begrudgingly give into because you feel you have to. Don’t make him earn it. Don’t let your power to withhold become a weapon. Smile when he insists that the cause of your headache is a lack of sex. Become a passionate lover who looks forward to sex as much as he does. Be willing to participate in all his sex-bargaining shenanigans -- this can actually become a very good motivator when you need things done around the house!
Remember that you will be best able to love each other when you love Jesus first, and show His love in your lives by the way you treat each other. Marriage is one of the great blessings that God created for us. Enjoy it!